One of my favorite bloggers is Cary Tennis. He is the kind of world-wise person you’d want for your counselor, or the AA sponsor who tells the truth that you would rather not hear, yet leaves it fully in your hands to consider. He writes a blog for Salon, answering difficult life questions with much deeper personal reflection than any advice columnist you have heard.
One of the things I appreciate about his posts is his ability to speak to the complexity of human issues in a forthright and poetic way. In an age where we seem to want the simplest, fastest, briefest sound-bytes possible, his responses always reference the complicated and contradictory realities of human experience.
I especially liked a recent post of his, about relationships. Responding to the strained question “Am I a cuckold?”
about love and relationships, he captured much about the complex human realities we often try to reduce to simpler terms:
People come together to meet all sorts of needs. Some of those needs are apparent but some are secret even to ourselves. The public language of romance and marriage allows for romantic love, monogamous sex, physical and medical caretaking, companionship, a blending of families and things like that, but that’s not all there is to us humans!
We are vast, hungry beings full of secrets and unexpected lust, fantasies of betrayal, longings ineffable and pointed (yet hot to the touch), fear and doubt and self-recrimination, all manner of sudden impulses.
Our wholeness is so much more than our awareness can hold.